Tongue In Cheek Archives - Page 7 of 8

Dominion Enterprises acquires Prune Juice company.

April 1st, 2009

In its first acquisition, since it failed attempt to sell itself, Dominion Enterprises appears to be diversifying.

Sam Cloverfield was surprised when a man in a dark blue suit showed up to his farm and said he was from “Norfolk, Virginia” and wanted to buy his prune farm and prune juice manufacturing business.

Mr. Cloverfield balked at Dominion’s first offer but came to settle on what he refereed to as a “fair price”.

In a related story, a company wide memo was sent to all Dominion Enterprise employees. The memo gave instructions on how to operate the newly installed coin operated locks on employee restrooms.

Trulia announces huge profits, employees quit citing "coolness factor", "gone".

April 1st, 2009

“It was like somebody yelled FIRE”, cited one observer on Market Street in San Francisco near Trulia’s headquarters. “They all just left.”

Rudy, outside Zillow's offices in Seattle.

Former Trulia employee Rudy Bachraty announced his departure over Twitter. “I’m outta here! Income was never part of the equation, the magic is gone.”

Realtor.com acquires Zillow-Lawrence Yun to take over as Zillow's new CEO

April 1st, 2009

In a stunning announcement today Move.com’s new CEO, Steve Berkowitz, announced they were purchasing all Zillow’s assets. “The time was right”, stated Steve Berkowitz.

In an equally stunning move Lawrence Yun, National Association of REALTORS’s chief economist has left his position at NAR, and taken the CEO role of Zillow. Mr. Yun stated he was “exicited about the opportunity and working with Steve.”

Right after the announcement of Mr. Yun’s new position consumers reported that Zillow’s “Zestimates” began to rise, across the board. Zillow, so far, has no comment on this strange occurrence.

I'm sooooo looking forward to this Wednesday….

March 30th, 2009

Last year I had a lot of fun with these.

I’ve got a few already written and ready to go. If you have any suggestions for posts email me at vendor dot alley at gmail.com

CalREDD MLS system "up and operational" today????

March 12th, 2009

I was checking out Inman’s coverage on CALMLS and found this bit of honey…

“Silvas said he expects the new Concentric system will be “up and operational” in beta testing within the next 45 days, and he expects that the rollout of the statewide system will begin with the participation of some MLSs by June.”

That was from an article dated January 26th, 2009. Which means the CALMLS, eerrr sorry SEE-RED, errr sorry CalREDD MLS system will be “up and operational” MARCH 12th 2009, which is TODAY. And if they don’t have any MLS participating what exactly are they beta testing?

Has anyone seen an “up and operational” beta version of the new Concentric CalREDD MLS system?

ben

Anyone?….Anyone?…Buller….Anyone?

CALMLS selects Concentric Software to power rumored California Statewide MLS

January 26th, 2009

I don’t know where to begin with this one. I’m like a kid in a candy store!

First off you have to read the latest press release about CALMLS from the California Association of REALTORS (C.A.R.) Check it out here.

Two things stuck out at me right away. In fact the very first thing was the first paragraph of the press release.

“The CALIFORNIA ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS® (C.A.R.) today announced that CALMLS, the statewide Multiple Listing Service (MLS) initiative, has selected Rocklin, Calif.-based Concentric as its technology partner in California. Concentric was selected following an extensive vetting process that included input from REALTORS® and other stakeholders statewide. Platform-and browser-neutral, Concentric’s Web-based system performs substantially faster than any product on the market.”

Let’s break it down, shall we…

“Concentric was selected following an extensive vetting process that included input from REALTORS® and other stakeholders statewide”

The sentence should have read.

“Concentric was selected when no other MLS vendor in the industry would touch them with a 10 foot pole.”

This is even better…

“Platform-and browser-neutral, Concentric’s Web-based system performs substantially faster than any product on the market.”

REALLY?, “substantially faster than any product on the market”, REALLY?? Ummmm, WTF? Who uses Concentric’s web-based system? I don’t think anyone does? So how the hell does it perform “substantially faster than any product” out there?

So you wander over the the Concentric website and it gets more interesting. Looks like the team consists of old Rapattoni alum, Richard Igou and back from the dead Bret “Wieiner” (note to the guy running the Concentric website, you might want to spell your CIO’s name correctly it’s Bret Wiener, W-I-E-N-E-R, got it?) plus Warren Andrich.

I remember Bret from back in the day and he is a solid guy, and from what I’ve heard Richard is no slouch either. So it sounds like they have a good team. All I can say is good luck.

From what I can tell Art Carter and the CARETS group have already implemented what CAR wants to accomplish and there are other solutions out there such as MLS Alliance (an eNeighborhoods product). So CAR members already have good choices. So, where’s the pony?

And here is the second thing I found pretty funny about the press release.

“CALMLS also debuted new branding for the products and services offered by the statewide MLS entity. These now will be branded as calREDD™, an acronym for California Real Estate Dynamic Data.”

calREDD? I guess they couldn’t use CREDD, because that’s what the agents and brokers will do when they get the bill for this “solution in search of a problem”, – “See Red”.

New York City!!! Just like I pictured it!

January 5th, 2009

Dan and I are heading to NYC first flight out of Ft. Lauderdale. Looking forward to seeing everyone!

And can you believe it, Dan Woolley has never been to New York City?!!

Seems very odd to me. I told him that we should do something special in honor of this occasion, so I offered to buy him a blo* jo* from a tranny. He declined.

Anyway, switching gears…I’ve still got some Vendor Alley schwag to give away. So I’m going to have another contest.

Just visit the Backstage Pass area of VendorAlley.com (upper right hand corner of the site, genius). The password has been changed. It’s now: bigapple. From there you will receive contest rules on receiving your free Vendor Alley Schwag.

Wednesday only Dan and I have a “Demo Pod” (that what you get when you can’t afford a full booth) going on at the Inman Exhibit Hall (Westside rooms 1&2) from 12PM to 6PM. So stop by and come make fun of us.

I’ll be participating on a panel at the General Session, Thursday at 10:30AM. The panel will be entitled “New Kids (and Ideas) on the Block: Innovators from Around the World“. I’ll be talking about our new web apps being launched Dwellicious and Dwellicious Pro……and I will be making a very special surprise announcement!!

Of course I will have all the latest information about any and all after-parties going on at the show. So get your Twitter on and follow me @gregrobertson as we descend upon Manhattan and see what trouble we can find!

And take a cue from El Jobso, no matter what anybody says, Real Estate ain’t dead yet, so lets keep on keeping on. See you there!!!

Vendor "Cage Match" Post Numero Uno

December 24th, 2008

“MLS SMACKDOWN”

We are gonna do this “Lucha Libre” style amigos!

In this corner…

Rapattoni
I’ll start off with Rapattoni. If there was a Vendor Hall of Fame or Vendor Life Time Achievement Award Andy Rapattoni would be first on the list to receive it. Andy would take the award, give a little speech and then go back to his office and continue to kick ass. When I talk to other vendors about Rapattoni they speak of them with venom. The kind of venom that was created in the cauldron of competition. Andy, his wife, and now son Nick have been doing it, and doing it well for 38 freaking years. 38 years people! They started their company back when Nixon was in the White House!!!

The biggest testament I can say about Rapattoni really revolves around what some consider a failure. Remember the Rapattoni lock box? They made a big deal about it, had a proto-type and then…..dumped it. I think that took a lot of guts to take on a project like that, but even a bigger set of balls to make the decision to drop it. That’s what is called confidence.

Strength: Experience and their independence.

Weakness: Will Nick be able to pick up where the old man left off?

Secret Weapon: Watch out for the “sleeper hold” from Rex Marr.

FNRES
When I think of all the people at FNRES and Cyberhomes the phrase I come up with is “Dream Team”. These guys have a boat load of talent all over the country. I was listening to Marty Frame on an Inman Audio Town Hall last week and you can tell that Marty is thinking 3 steps ahead of everybody. I’ve met Jay Gaskill only briefly but you can see this guy is a player that is accustom to being number one.

Putting John Hensley in charge of both MLS and Broker/Agent solutions is one of their best moves yet. John has a good balance of business and tech savvy and this role needs both. FNRES has been a sort of menagerie of acquired companies over the years and it’s about time they leveraged all their assets under one chief. Plus it’s not a secret that FNRES has some of the best technology out there, 2009 could be the year when Bob Morse and his team line ’em up and knock down some big wins. They have a lot of good hard working people and I know they will have a lot of us rooting for them in 2009.

Strength: Technology and talent.

Weakness: Will Bill Foley let them implement?
Secret Weapon: They keep hinting about something big, something new, so I guess we will have to wait and see.

Next up…

FBS and Marketlinx

Feliz Navidad everyone!

Vendor "Cage Match" Posts starting next week.

December 19th, 2008

Starting next week I will be writing a series of posts pitting two or more Vendors against each other.

The posts will focus on what I think the Vendors are doing right and what they are doing wrong.

Here are the match ups.

Vendor Cage Match #1 -“Battle of the Super Portals”
Realtor.com Vs. Trulia Vs. Zillow Vs. Cyberhomes

Vendor Cage Match #2 (Tag Team) – “MLS Smackdown”
Rapattoni Vs. FNRES (or Cyberhomes, or FNIS, or whatever they are called now) Vs. Marketlinx Vs. FBS Vs. MRIS*

Vendor Cage Match #3 (Tag Team) “Brand Bloodshed Brawl”
remax.com vs. century21.com vs. coldwellbanker.com vs. era.com vs. kellerwilliams.com

Vendor Cage Match #4 (Tag Team) “Agent and Enterprise ‘No Rules’ Street Fight”
Dominion Enterprises Vs. FNRES (or Cyberhomes, or FNIS, or whatever they are called now) Vs. MOVE.com

*Wake up people, MRIS is a Vendor.

So join me as we flush the giant turd we called 2008 and………..

LET’S GET IT ON!!!

Vendor Alley 2008 Recap!

December 16th, 2008

Vendor Alley 2008 Recap!

I’m sure I’ll forget something or someone but here it goes!!

In January Landmark Communications announced it was going to sell all its assets including Dominion Enterprises, which owned Homes.com, Advanced Access, Best Image Marketing, Harmon Homes Magazine and eNeighborhoods.

In February FNRES had a management shake up.

In March Mid-Florida MLS (now run by Merri Jo Cowen!) re-signed with Marketlinx . Alan Dalton got paid, and Century 21 brought back the gold jackets.

In April, MLSNI got a new name (MR ED?). Connection 2008 in Philly banned all Vendors, again. And on a sad note Dave Arguijo died.

May heated up when the entire executive management team left eNeighborhoods, YEAH! Dave Rifkin and Michael Hayes were promoted, while VisualTour got a boob on the tube.

In June Bill Gates left Microsoft.

FNRES had a management shake up.

MRIS became comic book writers with “MR IS”. (I wonder if he knows “MR ED”?)

In July Stu Siegel, co-founder of eNeighborhoods bought a big piece of the Florida Panthers NHL hockey team. FBS went to the big show with ARMLS. Greg, Sam, Rene and John partied with B-List television stars. Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate took off in San Francisco.

WRG is born.

Last but not least, OnBoard changed it’s name to OnBoard Informatics, so now everyone calls them…..wait for it…… OnBoard. Genius!!

In August Help U Sell filed bankruptcy (big surprise….NOT!) Scott Kucirek was cast in a Kafka film. Gregg Petch left MRIS. Remax.com delivered over 5 million leads to its agent (woo woo!) David Harris took a spot at eNeighborhoods and Barrack Obama rocked the stadium in Denver.

In September everyone drank alphabet soup in California. eNeighborhoods re-signed remax.com.

Dominion Enterprises picked the wrong dancing partner (Lehman Brothers)

October started off well. There was “Vendor on Vendor” and “Vendor on Client” action in the Kissing Room at the CMLS conference hosted by John Mosey.

Then Dominion Enterprises sells the company….FAIL!

Jim Saccacio made Time Magazine. NAR partnered with MOVE, again.

Vendor Alley got a mention in Inman News “25 Most Influential Bloggers:2008″ report! (woo woo!)

In November Andy Woolley turned 50, and celebrated by dancing on a table with half naked chicks. HouseValues changed its name. Marketlinx rocked Orlando! Rapattoni went mobile on the iPhone.

Dwellicious was previewed to great reviews and a Faux FSBO Fight broke out.

Oh yeah, and FNRES had ANOTHER management shake up….John Hensley in, Bev Faull out.

Did I miss anything???

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